Does My Singleness Make Me Worthless?

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“You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you

You’re nobody ‘til somebody cares

You may be king, you may possess the world and it’s gold

But gold won’t bring you happiness when you’re growing old

The world still is the same, you never change it

As sure as the stars shine above.

You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you

So get yourself somebody to love.”

Those words come from a great song, sung by one of my all time favorites, Frank Sinatra. It may make me seem like an 80-year-old woman, but nothing puts me in a better mood than some big band and swing music. The melody of that song is smooth and catchy, but if we perceive the words a certain way, they can make a single girl feel pretty lousy.

It’s not exactly complementary to hear that we’re “nobody” until loved by someone else. But where in that song does it say that it’s a romantic kind of love? It doesn’t! But if you’re someone who’s single and ready to mingle, it can be easy to find things that allude to having a relationship wherever you go. In the movies we watch, to the music we listen to, to the couples we see strolling hand and hand down the street… it just plain sucks sometimes.

It’s something I struggle with pretty often. I have to just keep on telling myself that I’m not a nobody just because I’m single. I am somebody. I have gifts and talents to share with the world and a unique purpose that no one else can fill but me. Even though we live in a society that has cheapened what love is, says that certain things are A-Okay outside of the context of marriage, and tossed the idea of marriage out the window as nothing more than a prehistoric contract that has no meaning, everyone deep down wants someone to love them and be committed to that love. We want a love where we know the other person can’t so easily get up and walk away. We want to know that we’re someone worth fighting for.

You may not want to hear this, but as a Christian, I’ve gotta tell you something. That kind of love already exists. You’re worth fighting for, and you’re also worth dying for. Jesus thought I was worth dying for, and He thought you were too. Now you may be thinking: “But a relationship with God isn’t anything like the romantic kind that I want!” And I would say you’re right. It’s not like the one you want. It’s better than what you want. God’s not going to give you a bouquet of roses and tell you how great you look. He gives us something that no human can: the security of knowing that we aren’t alone in this life and that there is something so much bigger than ourselves, than this whole universe: the gift of spending eternity with Christ.

Now obviously, even if you have already accepted Christ, you still will struggle with hardships in life, like singleness. If you’re in the same boat as me, I want to share a few tips with you that have helped me out:

 

  1. Use this time to become a better person in Christ.

This time as a single person is precious and not to be wasted. Use this time wisely to become the best version of yourself that you can be. We don’t want our future spouses to be moping around and not living life to the fullest when they’re single, right? So why would we want to do that to ourselves?

  1. Don’t settle!

I repeat: Do not settle! If you have perfectly reasonable standards that are necessary for your future spouse, stay true to you, boo! If you don’t want to have a serious relationship with a guy unless he has a strong relationship with Christ and shares your morals and values, there’s nothing wrong with that! Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to settle, because they’re wrong. Life is too short to settle for anything. God brings the right people into our lives at the right time and if you’re meant to be married, God will lead you to that person. If people tell you that you’re living in a fantasy world because you believe this, let em! They’re probably only saying that because they’re unhappy in their own relationship. Pray for God to change their heart.

  1. Speaking of prayer, pray for your spouse!

Some choose to pray for their spouse and others like to go all out and write letters to them. Now I can see why some would agree with this, and others wouldn’t. I can see how having a whole scrapbook full of letters to a person who may not even exist may seem a little strange and obsessive, but I certainly don’t think it’s wrong as long as it isn’t consuming your life. I do think though, that praying for your future spouse is a great thing to do! If you aren’t sure how to do that, Christian blogger Phylicia Masonheimer has a great post on how to specifically pray for your future husband.

I’ll stop there because I could ramble on about this topic for a while. I actually did just that for a good few hours talking with a close friend the other night. We talked about our woes of being Christian singles and hopes and dreams for the future and eventually came to the conclusion that there can never be too much said about this subject. I’ll end with this: Just because you’re single, doesn’t make you any less than someone who isn’t. You aren’t a nobody. You are somebody who is awesome, talented, special, and loved by friends, family, and most importantly, a God above.

 

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